Show vs. Tell - Bringing Life to Your Story

I’ll start this post with an example:

The coffee shop smelled good.

OR

Pushing the antique wooden door open, the smell of freshly ground arabica coffee beans washed over Julie and her companions. Each click and clack of her stilettos on the tile floor brought her closer to the lingering sweet smells of the pastry case, silently waiting to reward her for a month of healthy eating.

Which one of the above passages makes you feel more like you are right there with Julie in the coffee shop? I’ll bet you a quarter you picked the second.

This is a prime example of showing the reader your story, rather than just telling it to them. You want to invoke the senses along with the imagination, bringing forth imagery that makes them feel like they are experiencing the story for themselves.

In the above example, we applied the idea to a setting, something that has physical surroundings and common objects and characteristics which we can draw on to bring to life.

Emotions are a different story. Though you should always attempt to do the same, it can prove much more difficult as we are rarely in a purely observational state when emotional events occur. Take a look at the following example.

James looked over at Margaret; his wife was preoccupied and upset but he was at a loss of how to comfort her in such a situation.

OR

James stole a glance at his wife. Her eyes seemed to notice his gaze and turned towards him, though there was very little life behind them. Her mind was clearly somewhere else and it was as if the images her eyes were observing were not being processed, her attention completely turned inward. It was unnerving to see such a lack of emotion in his partner’s face, and turning away he wondered in vain what could be possibly be upsetting her.

It’s not perfect, but it conveys the emotion in a way that seems much more realistic to the reader. The tension is much more palpable. Creating a livable scene for the reader is what will help contribute to their emotional attachment to your work. They may identify certain things and descriptions to their own experiences. This is what you are shooting for.

Give examples of your own show vs. tell examples in the comments, or simply share your opinion! Does “telling” have a place in fiction? Discuss.